SOMETHING WENT HORRIBLY WRONG!
SEGMENT 3: WRITE LIKE IT’S A TELEGRAM
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A new blog about bad writing, and how you can fix it.
BY ELIOT KLEINBERG
With Lou Ann Frala
Originally posted February 14, 2021
Readers: Before everyone could afford a phone, and when phone calls across the country incurred a hefty “long-distance” charge, you sent a telegram. Early in the lifetimes of the Horribly Wrong team, some people still went to clerks who literally did the dot-dot-dash in the old Morse code that dates to the Civil War. Because this was labor-intensive, you paid by the word. It got expensive!
When we coach young writers, we tell them to pretend they are paying by the word. Or that their editor gave them a word limit. So, if they use enough unnecessary words, they run out of their allotment and have to leave out some important facts. An even better analogy is the soup rule. You’ve made a delicious soup. You want to feed more people. You add water. There’s more soup, but it’s not as good. Using unnecessary words is a form of cowardly writing. Be brave!
Each of these phrases could lose some words. When you’re done, you just might have saved enough money for a latte.
1. “I turned around and said, ‘You need to turn your life around.’”
2. “Go ahead and buy the dress.”
3. “He fell off of the bed.”
4. “We’re making our initial/final descent into Pittsburgh.”
5. “At this point in time.”
6. “…the West Palm Beach Police Department announced Thursday.”
7. “Going forward, we’ll be reducing staff size.”
8. “At the end of the day, we just couldn’t do it.”
9. “When all is said and done, we need this deal.”
10. “The fact of the matter is the proposal is terrible.”
11. “I’d like to thank you for all your hard work.” “I want to thank you for all your hard work.”
12. There are three men in the room.
1. “I said, ‘You need to turn your life around.’”
2. “Buy the dress.”
3. “He fell off the bed.”
4. When was the last time you were on a plane that descended more than once? It happens, but rarely, and it’s usually bad. Just say, “We’re making our descent.”
5. “Now.”
6. “…West Palm Beach police announced” (unless the story specifically is about the workings of the department)
7. “We’ll be reducing staff size.” Or better, “We’ll be reducing staff.” See, you just saved another word.
8. “We just couldn’t do it.”
9. “We need this deal.”
10. “The proposal is terrible.”
11. “Thank you for all your hard work.”
12. “Three men are in the room.”
Next time: Oxymorons. For morons.
Readers: “Something Went Horribly Wrong,” features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You’re free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com
